A South Austin holistic acupuncture and wellness practice

Embracing Emptiness I find Myself

Emptiness. Loss. Death. Silence.

I fought against these for so long. Pushing, pulling, crying, brandishing my fists at Fate. Terror looking into the black hole.  A constant struggling against their insidiousness. And then, I let go. I embraced them.

I could because I could see them not as an endless grief, but as part of a cycle. A Cosmic cycle, a natural cycle, and a personal one. There is not fullness without emptiness for in order to be full, you must first empty yourself. There is no gain without loss for in order to grab ahold of something new, you must let go. And there is no Life without death, for in order to be born anew, you must first dissolve like a Phoenix into a firey flame.

So I embraced them, to see what it was like. That silent stillness of the moment of being bare, stripped down, and completely in the unknown. I was terrified. And yet, there I was. Facing it. And in that, I felt Victory.

I decided to stay there. I didn’t want to fill the void with meaningless things, just to fill it. I wanted to wait. To Know that what I was filling it with was coming from the core of me. The new Me. The Me birthed out of this Silence.

The me that was the student, the child, the nice one, the don’t rock the boat one, the small one, the scared one, the play it safe one was unraveling. And not without a fight. But I could see what I wanted. I could taste it. I could feel it. Golden Light and Life. I want to be a Healer. A damn good one. And create my own acupuncture practice. A damn good one. And for that I had to step into the darkness and emerge Bigger. More aligned with my Truth and who I truly am. Shedding doubts and fears and beliefs stamped on me from generations of communal, familial, and personal experience.

It’s funny. As I’m being in the Bigness, I wonder how I thought the smallness was me. It feels so natural to be Big. To feel Connected, and Powerful, and Love, and Woman. So I embrace this now. Because here I am entering a new phase of the cycle. I embrace the newness like spring when small flowers begin to open after the barren winter. And with Joy I open.

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